My Grandfather died the other day.
And as I look back on his life I found myself grateful for a lot of the things he did for me in the past. I found myself grateful for the gifts he gave me years ago. He took me hunting year after year, taught me to drive an ATV (he even held on tight when I popped a wheelie and got the 4-wheeler up on two wheels), took me crawfishing (yes, that is a verb), and taught me to expertly parallel park. I was thinking back on the gifts he gave me but as his health started fading and he was not able to do things for me, I stopped seeing the valuable gifts he gave me. I now realize how mistaken I was. It wasn’t until he passed that I realized Big Daddy has given me some very important gifts recently.
The first gift he gave me was perspective.
Too often in my life I can get so wrapped up in the short term problems that seem to occupy my day. I can suffer from emotional short sightedness and loose visibility of the long term important things in life. I can get too bogged down by a fussy kid, a moody wife, or a mean boss. I far too often let short sighted thoughts linger in my mind. In his death, my grandfather, reminded me of the longer term goals in life. He reminded me to maintain a longer term vision in the midst of my today. He reminded me to consider the impacts of my choices and how they might impact my obituary. What will my kids (possibly grandkids one day) say about me after I have died? Will they recount my work successes, how many miles I ran, how cool I thought I was or will they recount what kind of father (grandfather) I was, the times we went and did that super fun and memorable thing, the bedtime stories? Will they remember me for the things I wanted to accomplish in life or will they remember the things I did accomplish?
This is very closely tied to the second gift my grandfather recently gave me. He gifted me by reminding me of priorities. While perspective is the ability to see down the long road of life, priorities are the things that you are looking at down the long road of life.
My oldest sister was recounting her memories of our grandfather on facebook yesterday. She remembered him as “tough, ornery, stubborn and wonderful.” She remembered him taking “the midnight feedings with my baby sister when my mother was a 26 year old widow.” The truth is I can’t even tell you what my grandfather even did for a living. I can’t even really tell some long list of “accomplishments” from his life. But I can tell you about the times he took his city boy grandson out into the swamps of Louisiana and Mississippi to go deer hunting and tried to make sure he was enjoyed it as much as possible. I can tell you that he was proud of me and loved me very much even without him saying it very often. Too often the goals at the end of my life revolve around or are concerned with myself. I want to be remember for how great I am, but I have been reminded that I would rather be remembered for how great others are because of me.
And the last gift I recently realized my grandfather gave me was actually a joint gift given to me by him and my grandmother; they gave me the gift of a good example.
They both demonstrated to me what it looks like to live out their marriage vows. They modeled what it meant to stick it out in a marriage. I am sure that a thousand years ago when they got married, my grandparents had a list of reasons why they wanted to get married. I don’t know these reasons, but I’m sure my they had them. I’m sure my grandmother would say something like my grandfather was handsome, or that he was going places, or that he was a good talker or listener, or that they had fun together. I don’t know the reasons but the thing I recently realized is that some point in the past few years most of these reasons (if not all of them) no longer existed. In the declining years my grandfather was no longer handsome, he was restricted to his bed or his rocking chair and wasn’t really “going places”, he didn’t really talk, and I doubt my grandfather was much fun… enjoyable – yes, fun – no. But through it all my grandmother stuck by him and loved him until the day he died; and more likely loves him even still after his death. And there was a time when my grandmother’s health was fading and we thought she didn’t have much time left on earth. During this time my grandfather was there right by her side loving her through it all. My grandparent gave me the gift of what it means to stick out a marriage “in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part” and my grandmother continues to show me that vow probably should be amended to be “till death do I part”.
Before his death I took the time to thank my grandfather for some of the gifts he gave me from years ago, but it wasn’t until after he died I realized these other less tangible gifts. It is now with tears in my eyes that I say thank you to him one more time for the gifts he recently gave me. I am sure I will need reminding of these things often but for now I am grateful to have been the recipient of 31 years of love from one tough, ornery, stubborn and wonderful man.
Thank you Big Daddy.
transition - no-man's land
5 years ago
