Oh those crazy canadians…and the dreamy sufer boy

So let me start off by saying that I am in Kandahar right now at the coalition air base.  And this place is unlike anything I have ever seen. I said it was a coalition base right, good because there is no one country in charge of anything here.  There are like 16 different flags flying everywhere.  A country puts a flag up on or near a building so you know who owns what buildings… And no country has buildings next to each other…so there are flags of countries all over the place. Even more fun than flags…there are people from all these different countries all over the place. Now I have been to bases that were U.S. that had a few foreign troops there, but not like this place.  Hundreds of German, Italian, British, Canadian, Australian, other random countries I can’t figure out… so fun.  And their uniforms are fun… the british have a plume in their caps… yeah I said plume – like Jr high school marching band – plumes.  They are short and red but very silly looking.  The Aussies apparently have no regulation when it comes to appearance and  military look.  There is one Australian that looks like a stereotypical blonde surfer dude.  I mean go to surf city, USA and grab a dude off his surfboard and put him in a uniform…same thing.  One Aussie had longer hair than the girl next to him.  Now my sister Lu and I like to pretend we’re british and speak with an accent (hers isn’t very good but I let her play along) but let me tell you…when REAL british people talk, you have no idea what they are saying.  Their accent is SO thick it is like they are speaking gibberish… you mean to tell me we speak the SAME language as them?? You wouldn’t know it listening to them.   Anyways… those crazy Canadians…

Has anyone ever been to Canada?  Pop Quiz then…name the coffee company that is the Canadian equivalent to starbucks?  I know the rest of you “non-canadian-visiting-people” are thinking “who cares? Canada sucks”. You are right but I am playing a meaningless game of trivia, so let me be.  That should have given you “Canadian-visiting-people” enough time to think…the answer: Tim Horton’s…  and with the line of people lined up outside their coffee stand at ALL hours of the day/night, you would think they were giving away drugs.  No joke, a 10 min wait to order a cup of coffee, when every person here probably has their own coffee maker.  So what is so darn special about this coffee? No idea. I’m not drinking that crap.

I just saw a midget.  He is in the Army.  The US Army. He is a warrant officer, which I think means he flies army helicopters.  No joke, he was like waist high. I wish I had been standing up so I could tell you exactly how tall he was. I mean that guy was like midget size…not that there’s anything wrong with that…I’m just saying…he was a midget.

But I digress… Canadians…how much cooler would my story about crazy Canadians be if the midget had been Canadian…so much funnier but alas I can’t lie. 

Focus! Canadians… I find it weird that Microsoft word has pre-programmed into the auto correct feature to change canadians into Canadians.  I can spell british and all I get is a red-squilligly line. Why would bill gates fix this error for me, without my asking…?  He is Canadian. That is my only guess. 

Ahhhh!!! The Aussie with the surfer hair is here… I need to get a picture of him, you won’t believe this.  Like long locks of flowing sunshine…he’s so dreamy… FOCUS!!

Seriously…A.D.D. or what?!?

So the Canadians…in the middle of this crapy NATO base, in the middle of Afghanistan (where it’s like freaking hot) they have a hockey rink built.  Right now, directly behind me there are dudes wearing those giant hockey jerseys with the Canadian leaf on it playing hockey, with hockey sticks. The goalies have pads and a mask and everything.  This was no accidental “pickup” game of hockey.  Ok, so that wasn’t nearly as funny as it is in real life.  I mean, there are grown men running around a hockey rink in the middle of Afghanistan….hockey sucks?!  The hockey rink has that red lead all over the rink, just in case someone forgets whose rink it is.  Who else gives a crap about hockey? NO ONE!! No soccer is the universal sport. I don’t like soccer but I get that it is huge.

Ok, so the Aussie surfer dude could possibly not be Australian… I am listening to some of him and his buddies talk… and they ain’t speaking English…could be Bulgarian…like I know what Bulgarian sounds like…silly boy. They have a flag on their uniform: three vertical stripes red, white, and blue… I could google this but I have a better idea…new game… first person to comment on what country this mystery country is, wins a prize.  Really? No.  Like I have some prize I could give you. Seriously. I am in Afghanistan.  Think about it.

Anyways, I will close my play be play narrative on what I see going on here at Kandahar (or KAF if your cool).  This place is like the wild west and I am sitting in the center of the town at high noon (but with the sun already having set). Everyone walking around, hanging out and carrying guns. There is no common uniform and people are flocking in groups.  Except unlike the wild west, we are supposedly on the same team, fighting together.  But I could easily see a huge brawl breaking out putting country on country in a battle royal. Ok, so my imagination gets away from me, deal with it. But this place is weird.  You have to see it to really get the total weirdness of it…but don’t go and add “visit Kandahar” on your bucket list or anything. It’s not that cool. 

Anyways, I will try to blog again before I move to Camp Leatherneck… it is in the Helmend province and is in Southern Afghanistan about 100 miles west of Kandahar. I will let you know if that place is as crazy as this one.

Take care and to all my peeps that send me a cool birthday message, you guys rock. Sorry if I didn’t reply to any of you, I have been busy. See you all soon

ARSM out.

I love you wifey…